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finding a new friend 

Regis here

So Nina isnt here anymore she went over the rainbow bridge with Maxy. Im on my own and mum and dad have been trying to work out who should come and me my playmate. I dont think I need anyone but mum says its not good for me to be on my own. 

Problem is the girls are all so mean. I try to play and say hello and they go postal on me..Vesper is really mean she goes straight to nuclear on me. 

Me going to go on the doggie tinder and put up an ad. Me thinks my profile should say:

" smart handsome older gentleman looking for companionship. Can offer a great home with well trained servants, romantic walks in the fields and dinners made by a personal chef.

Must be willing to let me sniff your butt and you cant get to close to my mum..shes mine and off limits oh and Im the only one allowed to sleep on mummys bed..dad too but he only there cause I let him"

What you think?

Regis the Playboy Dude

Its on like.. 

Woof

Mama left my bedroom open and stinky Nina stole my bulldog friend and started to chew on him. I was out of my mind with grief. I barked and cried and when that didn't work I went to the other end of the house so I didn't have to hear my bulldog squeak. Dad heard though and came and saved him for me (its his job he does the labour intensive jobs here under my supervision).

I think that Nina should be kicked out of the house. Just saying. 

Regis

PS my little green bulldog is ok he's just a little shook up.

What the…?? 

Woof

I woke up this morning in the lounge. Im not a lounge dog. I sleep on my bed that I let mum and dad share. What the hell? How did that happen? 

Mum must have snuck out to bed last night. I was a asleep. She should have woken me or more importantly picked me up and carried me to bed. Im the king of this castle after all. 

Im giving Mum major major stink eye. She will know my wrath..

Me

You can't see me 

Woof

I am the silent assassin. I am he who cannot be seen. I am a god among dogs and I am the king of this castle!

I was in the front yard today. I was doing my standard check of all perimeters and I was barking at the humans, dogs, birdies, big doggies (mum calls them cows) and bugs on the other side of the fence.   Im like that guy in the movie with the stick (Id have chewed that stick) telling that balrock "You shall not pass!" (think Galdalf with a french accent but still booming voice).

Dads yelling from his office for me to shut up (how rude). I don't listen, he can't see me, Im invisible Im the silent assassin. Then I hear mum barking at me. She barks but I can't see her so clearly she can't see me..I stay where I am. She barks again louder ..I continue my perimeter check. I must keep mummy safe..Its my job as king. 

Then I hear mum walking around the corner yelling for me. Do I run and hide like a ninja - no thats stinky nina. I stand my ground and bark - Let it go let it go I am one with the wind and sky.." Mum can't see me..

Then I see mum and decide she needs me and I shouldn't deny her of my company. Coming mum Im ready for my treats now. 

Regis.

Divas in the house 

Woof

Im not naming names but a certain two girls are real divas in the worst kinda way in this house!

One has a shoe fetish that would out do any movie star. She's a hoarder and a kleptomaniac too. She puts them in her bed and she sleeps on them like Smaug sleeping on his gold, and she's as grumpy as that dragon too! Go near her precioussss and she snaps and tries to take your head off. When she's not looking I go over and tinkle on her bed just to make sure she knows Im still boss. No body sees me Im the stealth tinkler.

Then there is her daughter. She hurt her eye and went away to see the vet and came backs with a cone of shame. She broke the first cone the first night home and had to get a second cone wrapped around the first. She looked so funny like a great big lamp with a back to front lampshade. She hates that lampshade but she knows how to milk it too. She's had it on for ages and in the whole time she's refused to eat unless hand fed by dad - she won't even let mum feed her which is just crazy! I don't mind though as mum is mine not hers. And when she goes outside she won't climb back up the stairs - there are only two steps its not like she's climbing a mountain. She waits at the bottom and cries and looks pitiful until mum and dad come and lift her up on to the deck so she can go inside..big baby. Oh and she doesn't like sleeping in her crate. She howls and howls she sounds like a baby wolf. Mum used to think that was cute…its not cute at 3am. At 3 am even mum is saying bad words. 

You might be wondering why I care what the divas are doing? Mum and Dad have been busy with the puppies - yes I know they are there I even saw one mum was carrying the other day. So I have had to step in and be the man of the house wrangling those stupid girls and stopping them from causing mayhem. Its hard being me. I should get danger money or at least double treats!

Mum said she's getting me a new bed since Ive been so good. Don't think I want a new bed I have the big bed. Doesn't matter the divas will no doubt steal my bed and Ill wait till they aren't looking and tinkle on it..yeah its how I roll.

Bye for now

Regis

Puppies 

Hi there

Loretta here. I think Regis knows we have puppies. When we have puppies Regis turns into a deranged toddler. Think terrible 2s with four short legs.  The first time we had puppies (His babies!) he dug a hole under the fence and ran away 3 times. He scared us half to death. Other symptoms when we have had babies have included peeing on things he shouldn't, not sleeping, licking paws or licking the duvet cover with his hair on - both to induce vomiting, eating things, not eating..yeah we have seen it all. So we generally try to keep him out of the loop.  But how do you hide the fact Im up at all hours and theres a room he's not allowed in? He thinks he's entitled to go into every room, it is his house after all.  

Tonight I went for my nap pre graveyard shift with the babies. Regis of course came to bed with me. I was just about asleep and then I heard one of two sounds that you never want to hear; the thuds of Regis jumping off the bed. I then heard the second sound that guarantees a groan of misery from me; Regis' stomach making grinding noises.  Now you could ignore it of course. Just go to sleep he will settle down, right? Experience suggests that if ignored he will then vomit noisily in various parts of the room and almost certainly in that one spot where you will put your foot when you climb out of bed to deal with him, all bleary eyed and in the dark. 

Sooo of course I got up and let him out to go toilet.  Thankfully he didn't run into a dark corner and start chewing on grass till I had to go out find him and drag him inside. He saves that special moment for 2-3am when its freezing cold or hailing or blowing like forty b^&**s. He came back to bed, we slept and now Im up on the graveyard and have heard the scratching at the door, dad swearing, dad get up and get a drink and call Regis a bad word..yeah I think Regis knows we have puppies.

Sigh going to be a long few weeks and Scott will be double checking the fence line tomorrow! Nite all

Loretta

PS just a disclaimer our other frenchies are nothing like this. Its just Regis, my baby and yes Ive seen enough of those dog whisperer/fixer up shows to know Im no doubt the cause of his need for doggie therapy. Scott has mentioned this a few times..particularly at 3am.
 

Whats behind the door? 

Woof its regis here.

As you know Im the king of this castle. I can go where I want, when I want. So why can't I go through that door? Why does mum spend hours behind that door? Why is she not sleeping with me at night? What is she doing behind that door and why won't she let me in? I scratch politely to be let in. I bark nicely so she knows Im there on the other side of the door waiting for her to let me in. I have whined a little when she hasn't let me in, a boy can only take so much after all..Not even my frenchie mind tricks are working. 

Today I heard noises in there. Something is in there with mum. I will find out..Ill be back

Regis 





 

Homeless 

Woof

Im getting kicked into the bedroom a lot at the moment. There were humans here and I didnt know them and I was protecting mum.  So I let them know they weren't allowed here and that I could see them.  I ran from door to door, window to window and dad growled me telling me to stop barking my fool head off.. I may pee in his slipper for that!

Anyway its tiring being the man of the house. So I decided to lie down for a bit. But I couldn't get into a bed without that Nina growling at me AND she's got shoes in all the beds! I don't like shoes, toys yes, but not shoes. I had to sit in one of the crates to get away from her. She's crazy. Anyway mum told me I had to get out of the crate. Where was I supposed to go then?? Mum sorted it though she took the shoes out of one of the beds and moved it closer to her. Now Im happy and can sleep because the crazy woman won't argue with mum. 

Oh and Ive heard mum and dad talking about puppies and Im not allowed in the end room now..dont like puppies, smelly things and they take mums attention away from me. 

Its hard being me

Regis

Im home  

Hi there

I got home last night to a lot of noise and enthusiastic licks from the dogs. Regis was not able to contain himself he jumped up and down and got so excited he tried to hump NIna who promptly tried to chew his face off. Since then he's made sure to have me in ear if not eye shot of him. While I was down in the garden he sat on the deck and surveyed my activities. While I was in the kitchen he sat in the lounge so he could see me over the great wall. I drew the line at the bathroom stops. He spent his time scratching at the door instead! 

I know he said he would be aloof and make me pay for leaving him..yeah like me with chocolate he's got no will power. 

Tomorrow the care package should arrive. Inside will be three little toys that will turn his world upside down.  He will no doubt tell you all about it when he finds out..shush Im not telling him till they get here. 

Talk again soon

Loretta

Home alone 

Woof

Mum has left me. She tried to hide her suitcase from me, but I saw it. It was the big suitcase too. I could have fitted in it. Dad was saying I should go with mum. Mum didn't  take me…how rude! She could have paid for my own seat on the plane and who wouldn't want me at a hotel? I should have pee'd on her suitcase before she left!  

I don't know how long she's gone for? I don't know if she's coming back at all! I think she will come home though because she loves me..oh and dad can't look after me forever. He's doing an ok job of things I guess, Ill give him that. BUT I want my mummy.

When mum comes back you know I will make her feel guilty for leaving me.  I will ignore her! I will not let her pat me or cuddle me.  I will sleep on the bed with her.   Its my bed after all . But she won't get to cuddle me or use my warm to warm her up! I won't let her cuddle Dad either. I will sleep between them, sideways with my bum pointing towards her so she has to sleep on the edge of the bed. Yeah thats how Ill roll when she comes home!

Oh and I know mum said Id be a sad boy and sick while she was away, making dad get up all night to look after me. I showed her. I was good. So there!

Bye for now

Regis the king of all 

PS Mummy come home please…I miss you.